116.

my fantasy lover is writing me a letter from someplace not-too-far so he can get back tonight just after dark and the wind will be brisk for august the sky will be purple more so than usual for this hour of night every day his mind envelopes another color i haven’t seen before and he spends all morning trying to explain it in fragmented english

does it disgust you how vividly i imagine him every day another body another pigment a different kind of sigh under his breath the thing i love about him most is i will never meet him and his face will always be a composite of past and future lovers but i know it’s real i love him i love him i love him i’ll love him until the idea of him dies and is buried in a jar in the recesses of my mind ultimately a slave to my manic  sensibilities

26 July 2013 (108.)

green    eyes    blue 

c    o   l    l    a      r 

background  hands

on my ass at the gr

ocery store i know

he prefers her taste

but i hope it  grows

to leave an insipid b

urn on his little pink

t    o    n    g    u    e.

57

you don’t understand i’m a very tumultuous human underneath these sincerely enthusiastic personas, boringly melancholy and very much alone ever since we never left brooklyn behind us just like that with a a tip of the hat a point of the dancer's toe a flick of the non-existent cigarette into the palms a future lover

evergreen

don’t blink

you might miss him falling out of love

with the person you are or the per-

son you were or the person

tomorrow

reading the newspaper’s comic

book section ashing your

cigarette into his

undercooked pan-

cake breakfast

just because he likes 

to do all the things stoners

like to do does not

make him a stoner okay

okay okay then?

48

running two skinny tires over squirrel tails

sifting through f5 debris

this is what we die for man this is

fission one hundred twenty miles per hour

one hundred degrees on the back of your neck

one hundred reasons to close your eyes and 

not ever open them for anybody

no matter who tells you

it’s okay because

it’s not,

okay?

01001010.

my chest snaps and sizzles like a tightly-wound snare

for you and if you wanted you could put your fist in-between my 

breasts and open up my sternum like a resternotomy saw

Haiku II

Pretty girl you are
Always smiling I want to
Set your hair on fire

Untitled IV

i  find  myself   speak-  

ing                coloquia-   

lly with the same  man   

until   he   puts       his  

tongue inside my jaws  

and lights me  on   fire   

like an oil-soaked   cat   

struggling in the  trash  

Haiku I

sometimes i cackle

and if you don't like it i'll 

choke you with my thighs

sad boy

he lays on his back

thyroid-high eyes to 

stare at the sky but

he’s so sad 

in the bed

he wouldn’t

notice if i just 

choked on spit and died

a hypothetical conversation (romance)

if you don’t back up your files that’s just dumb what if your computer crashes

and everything is gone?

     everything would be gone

even my baby videos, shit

     shit, right

i didn’t even think about that. let’s get a hard drive tomorrow

you know i’ve been meaning to tell you

     what?

no really it’s not a big deal but i wanted to say-

     -go on

sami snyman you have an amazing ass

After Glow

Tonight he’ll put his fingers inside Niagra just 

to   grow    a    few     hairs   on   he r   c h est 

merri can't have babies

merri cant have babies

she can make them but she can’t

birth them alive

Untitled III

baby swerves to the left but 

not too much so that someone

notices that she’s been drinking

we’re all drunk but she’s

got 3,578 pounds at her

fingertips which are

beautifully 

manicured

i think of boys on

girls on boys

with girls

on boys but

they don’t even

share a cigarette

when they’re through.

they smoke their own

like a man on a boy

teaching him

right from wrong

in the left lane i think

about you and all the

things i’d say if conse-

quences didn’t exist just

our hearts and genitalia

and dying impressions of

intimacy

girl on girl porn

on girl on girl

on girl it gets

so old

don’t you think?

never close enough

to cuddle or even

share one goddamn

cigarette

white with a turquoise line across it

it burns to ash slow slower than i was expecting but who’s to say anyone
s expectations aren’t shit shit-for-brains swallow your very being your p
ride and ambition and all that but don’t throw away your            faulty g
enetics you swallow them down the cylinder capsule after cylinder capsu
le and your dad reminds you he says its terrible for you it will kill you  y
ou                                                              better   get   off     the     stuff